Much has happened especially the last 5 weeks. We have finally decided to hired a helper, in other words a maid. And, we spent the last 5 weeks, or at least myself tossing in my bed at nite wondering and questioning our decisions. It is not easy. I have been working so hard at work and at home for the past 11 mths or so such that i dun have to come to this decision. But, what can i say? It's damn exhausting. Anyway, once we have decided, there's 1001 things to do. First, we have to "dismantle" our lab such that our helper have a place to sleep. EM will never ever let a stranger sleep with his computer! And, i will never ever let a stranger sleep with Ken in his room. So, after much arguing, the computers land themselves in our living room. I think we almost spent 3 nites just to move the computers out! There are tonnes of wires and not to mention the printer, the scanner, the broadband modem, the fax modem, the speakers, the subwoofers, etc, etc.. aiyo!! The worst are the 2 metal cabinets! Imagine all the barang-barang inside which we have to take out, bring the metal cabinet out and put all the things back! And, throughout the process we must be as silent as possible lest the lil' Kong Long wakes up!

After which, we have to "furnished" our helper's room. And, me rehearsing my lines over and over again on what to tell Ken's nanny! Here's a pic of her.

I cried buckets on the last day of Ken's nanny! It's so sad especially when she do such a good job for us. Well, we have to move on. Now, we have tested out for one week. Ken seems to be okie with our helper, J. He can laughs at her, willing to let her carry, etc. So, one way, i feel less worried for now. We shall see how it goes.

Also, in between we went back to celebrate my dad's 70th birthday. Here's a pic of my family.

Oh! In the bfg forum i frequent, we were talking abt ending our "pumping career". I thot perhaps i shd take a pic before my pumping barang go into retirement state. As for now, i have not yet make up my mind when that will be.

On a more crazy note, we went to buy a chest freezer to store my EBM (expressed breast milk). So here's to see how my freezer looks like thruout my pumping career til now. Chest freezer cannot take much of a picture anymore. The former is when i still have not store neatly and later i stored it more neatly as seen in the latter photo.

I just realised that there's only one thing i do well for Ken. That is to b'feed him. Other than this, i really question my decisions/ways everyday. Did i stimulate him enuf? Do i provide him with enough love? Do i talk to him enough? Do i feed him well? Is porridge everyday harming him? Am i denying him of any chance? Aiyo.. having a child is like a guilt trap. So, do i still want another? Yes. but maybe not so soon. Lemme have some normalcy back in my life first!

~ Biow
30-May-2004